Nectar of the Lily

 

Ezekiel 'Easy' Bones can summon and dismiss it at will: a checklist of the day's objectives written in sharpie on the opaque left of his vision. Four boxes have been ticked:

ü  Push-ups. 30 a day this week than you very much.

ü  Do the work. Having woken early and, getting coffee without waking corgis, sunk an hour into writing a sigil, glowing, in dust gathered beneath his bed.

ü  Smile at a woman. A quiet sort, Easy has come to rely on body language for his flirting. The receptionist in charge of sign-in, front of house and in the appropriate 25-35 demographic, smiled back.

ü  Salad lunch. Just completed, in driver's seat with legs out open doorway. Tum-tums is full, if not exactly sated.

Four boxes remain empty:

¨  Clean penis. For some reason, Easy always reads this in Captain John Price's voice.

¨  Contemplate the sunset.

¨  Don't wank. Easy shall manage to go today without self-love. The receptionist was pretty, but professional.

¨  Catnap. Easy shall not manage this today, getting home too late. A catnap, ritually speaking, requires drinking catnip tea and napping, with cat laying on chest, between 15:00 and 16:00.

One box is crossed:

û  Two smokes. Yeah, well, Easy has had four today, so far.

But seven out of nine ain't bad and this self-improvement is thanks to the HUD, a cerebral implant that has given Easy's day-to-day a videogame flair. The HUD provides other benefits. Today is a good example.

(The boss, a go-go-go alpha-type, has bemused away all but a skeleton crew. This prevents him from taking on larger projects and, without a sufficient hierarchy to dominate, has grown bored. Boredom leads to drugs leads to hangover leads to taking the day off, which means sending Easy off on his own.)

Easy has instructions to fill a metre-cube bag with green waste and paces the perimeted road, unsure of where to start on this perimeter garden. Lo, an orange pushpin contrasts against the green, grey and red of the banksias at the back, where Easy occasionally pees amongst the empty pre-mix cans. So, Easy approaches the lush mess with a rip saw, a mythril blade and a spare battery. His efforts reciprocate.

Meanwhile, two adventurers have plunged into the forest in search of a topaz which will help liberate their country, recruiting a third party member on their way. Now a steel-clad warrior swings broad sword. Heroes lunge upon each other to heroically pull them away from danger. A falling tree limb lands on the warrior's neck - insta-kill and Easy worries:

'Ooh, I did not put up a safety cone.'

The heroes look at the dead warrior - his fingers twitch. Easy looks at the heroes - one is cute  but a bit young. The heroes look at Easy, who waves. Easy looks to the locus of his point-of-interest pushpin, a flower just about to lactate:

'Dibs'

Ezekiel 'Easy' Bones collects the Nectar of the Lilies of Life in a vodka cruiser can. The heroes grab their plot coupon before security escorts them off the premises. The death of the warrior will mean less overgrowth in the perimeter garden but Easy gives no shits, because his job is just a side-quest.

Time passes. How much time? Time is subjective. Listen to this one song:

Easy lays in banana chair. He does not recline in banana chair because said resting apparatus has been dumped roadside. He is smoking and perusing what is behind the metaphorical counter:

₵$800 The Blue Lidded Wheelie Bin

₵$115 Cultural Appropriation

₵$59 Perry Cider

₵$70 Trendy Pair of Jeans

₵$84 The Bat of Infinite Nails

₵$1 Sex Doll Goon Sack*

₵$160 The Fire Extinguisher of Merg Portua

₵$180 Contact Grimoire

₵$15 Level Up Fig

₵$100 Mud Proof Boots

Doris the camel jogs up road curving through pines, gums and blackberry. A truck dawdles behind Doris, unable to safely overtake and driver recording TikToks. A dozen motorists trail behind the truck with varying levels of patience.

Doris pulls over onto gravel verge. Judea slips off her back. Hands open parallel to hips, his knees bounce to

and his smirk with 30° gaze could be interpreted as I'm not big on gay or roadside, but in this context... but in this context actually means I have the thing.

Easy hands him a Jetty Jumper: 'Hello again. What do you want?'

Which could be interpreted as rude but, again, context. Judea's gut-down jiving gains energy, your Nectar of the Lily.

Easy cracks his own beer: 'Really? A blunt hundred CatScript? The Mud Proof Boots are a bargain. The Nectar of the Lily is not.'

Hips really at it now, emphasising the cheeks, almost a 'washing-machine' contained below torso: 'They're a bargain because winter has passed. But you know. When you're at work, you garden. When you're at home, you garden. When you're shitfaced at a mate's place, you garden. You pull two weeds at once and call it a threesome.'

Sip becomes skull: 'Still, a bargain.'

The perimeter of Judea's dance halves but becomes nuanced, more muscles in play: 'I would throw in a sneaky dope plant but you would need to throw in an extra CatScript. I suspect you're not carrying any loose change?'

Easy on feet: 'What, cunt? Cunt, what?'

The dance stops, palms come 45° from hip to face level: 'I'll clean her. I'll fill her with False Cape 2021 Riesling.'

Easy concedes: 'That is a good drop.'

 

*Yeah, Easy drank Sascha.