Clogs of +3 Blunt Damage

Australia was feeling left out of Operation Market Garden and so sent a team of commandos deep-cover into Nazi-occupied Netherlands.  They had been outfitted by the props department. When accosted by German troops at a checkpoint, one of the commandos said:

‘Awh, vwe are just poisant farmers of Deutsch Neitherlands.'

Nobody is sure what accent he was going for but it was the English that gave them away. In the resulting kerfuffle, a Nazi skull was beaten in with wooden clog. Said bloodstained clog was returned to the props department.

The cold-war director of the Props Department had an eye for enchantments and so detected that the clogs had accrued +1 Blunt Damage. When ASIO put in  a request for a formal-but-high-stakes outfit for a party in a Shanghai penthouse, the director had the clogs polished. The +1 blunt damage came in handy when Agent Valentina roundhouse kicked Mouth Bone into a loft wall. The clogs gained another +1 blunt damage when Agent Valentina kicked Mouth Bone's head into the wall.

The Clogs reached +3 blunt damage when the director spent a quiet day doing some inventory. Standing tippy toes on step ladder, fingers did not quite grasp the top-shelf box. Alas, clogs fell out and scored lethal concussion on their own. Nobody has been brave enough to sign out the Clogs of +3 Blunt Damage until Alexander snorts a line of cocaine and shrieks 'Yeee-haaaw' before waving ten gallon hat whilst filling out requisite paperwork.

Now: where the foothills become the hills. The plant nursery is pretty but pretty lacklustre. The attached restaurant, requisite for all retail nurseries since about 2015, is actually good. In a private room, wait staff carefully place a porcelain toilet between Alexander and Carl. The plastic seat is laid with teacups on saucers, steeped pot of peppermint tea, cucumber sandwich slices, five cut lines of cocaine for both parties and a mound between the two. This is known as high tea.

'Thank you for inviting me out.' Alexander takes off his hate before a line goes up slobbery nostril. 'But I suspect you have ulterior motives.'

Carl also snorts, the pinkie raised on hand pushing in left nostril: 'Bitch, I heard you got clogs. Are they your size.'

Alexander concedes that they are one size too small: 'Commerce. Love it.'

'Perhaps you would like to trade -' Carl skulls the tea. '-them in for something one-size-fits-all.'

'I still have those Condoms of +4 Bureaucratic Efficiency.'

Carl is mute, potential responses traffic jammed in doorway, before he returns to line (with nostril): 'I meant the Perfectly Fluttery Dress.'

Cucumber falls from Alexander's mouth: 'But I'm a boy.'

'Bitch, you ate that cake that makes you menstruate.'

Alexander laughs before throwing toilet to the side and rushing Carl. This is not an explicit 'no'.