Friday, March 1, 2024

13. Cheetos Flamin Hot Puffs

Pete takes Soz back to their hotel room but he promises to come back, needs to grab something. You wait by the elevators and the first to come down carries your partner, their hands down someone else's pants. You flick them the bird before the door closes again and your partner elevates with tail between their legs. The next elevator down carries Al.

You inquire: 'Aren't you married?'

Confused: 'Yeah? What's that got to do with Flaming Pizza Box Golf?'

He leads you to the beach. The guys are gathered around a pizza box standing open like a tent on the sand. Wicks of newspaper, stuffed through the pizza box's spine, are alight with flames catching on the greasy cardboard. Pete gives Al a golf driver.

Al swings at the pizza box: 'Four!'

A clap and embers scatter like sea spray. The beach is gone. The six of you now stand on mowed lawn between a suburban street and a creek dense with reeds. Chris returns the separated, but still burning, halves of the pizza box back to their tent formation. Frank takes the driver.

Another scattershot of embers, a distant chorus of frightened waterfowl, Frank in mirth: 'And the crowd goes wild.'

Now you are in bitumen schoolyard, old timber logs arranged behind you in unbound palisade wall and chalk 'fnords' and 'cracks' amongst the hopscotch stencils. Frank hands you the driver and Chris again prepares the box. Everybody is watching and waiting. The club's head above yours before it pendulums down.

'The fuck?'

Your strike becomes fireworks in miniature. The cardboard flies away, becomes shredded ash. You are in front of a suburban home.

Chris, pleasantly surprised: 'Cool. That saves cab fare.'

'How am I supposed to get back to my wife?' Al is not angry. 'Trebuchet? Or another round?'

Your confusion is voiced as:

'Trebuchet?'

'Another round?'

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