Democracy Honey

On the Shelf:	Behind the Counter:
₵$74 Ghost Tobacco (20)	₵$138 Bux. Semp. X Cannabis
₵$20 Bloody Mary	₵$68 Bottled Emotions (qt.)
₵$50 El Dorado Green (1/4)	₵$50 Self-Cooking Olive Oil (375 ml)
₵$26 Black Meat (g)	₵$310 Brick of Cocaine
₵$1 Slut Root (kg)	₵$124 Memory Coffee
₵$30 Marital Aid Potion	₵$33 Christian Repellent
₵$50 Quetzalcoatl Feathers (doz.)	₵$85 Anti-Flimflammatory
₵$5 Blue Roses (doz.)	₵$3 Extrasolar Teas Box
₵$30 Mythril (oz.)	₵$1 Rare Minerals (g)
₵$4 BZTCN	₵$13 Fine MRE Spice (g)

This Week's Special:

Election day. The human swarm gathered at voting booths to deposit their nectar of political opinions. Democracy Honey gathered on the sides of the zip-locked boxes which accumulated the electoral forms. It is treacle like in consistency and the colour which symbolises whichever political party won this particular box.

'And.' Azrael now pauses. 'A teaspoon will give you a +10% Experience Bonus for three hours. I advise stirring it into catnip tea. Any questions?'

Caroline: 'This is not a video game.'

'That is not a question.'

'What Azrael means,' Erin, with legs crossed and hands clasped on higher knee. 'is that your tendency for learning will be increased for that duration.'

'Okay.' Easy hesitates. 'How did you get this, uh, product?'

Azrael had followed a booth attendant as they closed metaphorical shop and carried the 'vote here' sign back into the church. A dozen temp employees of the Australian Electoral Commission turned heads.

Azrael had swung the Sling of +2 Stunning and announced: 'Ladies and gentlemen, fuck with me by any and all means.'

They all raised hands, because this was a safe Liberal seat anyway. Azrael took the boxes to the closest safe-house and scraped out the deep-blue honey with plastic spatula.

Azrael: 'I have six jars of the 2022 vintage.'

'All right.' Emily takes the bait. 'How about a Pimp Coat of Flight?'

Emily tailored the Perfectly Fluttery Dress and traded it for Quetzalcoatl Feathers, which were 50 CatScript (₵$) at the time. Quetzalcoatl Feathers, FYI, are resistant to gravity. Stitching ten dozen into a knee-length coat (with hood!) was labour intensive, using both spare time and hands. Truth be told, that is what she was going for, keeping too preoccupied to hold a smoke.

But anyway: 'It's like a flight suit, but you don't need to jump off a cliff to get momentum. And you can flap, arm strength granting. And it looks technicolour bitchin'.'

Azrael considers, with chin rested on palm. He can see himself climbing gum tree and lunging from lib towards the second storey of his local council chambers. His hand twitches a flame.

'Yes.'

The crowd ooohs gossipy - market as spectator sport.

Next up is Nathan: 'How are you, Azza?'

Azrael's hand clutches around electricity: 'Oh, I'm fine. What are you offering, Nathan?'

'The Rifle of Woopsie-Daisy. I think it's worth two jars.'

The Rifle of Woopsie-Daisy is unique in that it will not fire if the wielder were to later regret the shot. Azrael cannot see himself regretting a shot-out window. Railing shots into the council chambers windows in hopes they shatter, midflight and hurtling towards them. Oh, yes.

But: 'You've been trying to offload that rifle for a couple of years, now. One jar.'

Gasps of shock and the crowd murmurs excitedly. Renee faints and Paul catches her: 'God speed, man, someone get her a one-hitter.'

Erin raises and lowers her hands in front of her, that thing people do when they want to lower the crowd's energy: 'Calm down, calm down.'

Nathan shrugs: 'Sure.'

Nose to the ground, Alexander follows a line of cocaine into the room, landing in front of Azrael: 'Coulda' sworn there were another - why are you people in my - who stepped on my - ah, yes, the auction. I'll buy a thing. What am I buying? I have the Clogs of +3 Blunt Damage. Would you like to try them on?'

Azrael does. The crowd holds their breath whilst Cinderella tries on footwear - which, maybe splinters, but not a deal breaker. The Clogs fit and Azrael's daydream is complete:

'Peeps and peeplets. The exits have been chained shut. I am now your mayor, your treasurer and your secretary.'

There is always an upstart: 'The police will be here at any moment.'

'This is a coup. The police don't deal with military affairs.'

'The armed forces, then.'

'The army doesn't give a shit about local government.'

And Azrael will defenestrate the upstart with a roundhouse kick.

'First order of business - we change policy to allow construction of Tiny Houses.'

*Mandatory footnote.