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This Week's Special:
Andrew has a new
rental-agreement on life. At 33, he has been diagnosed with ADHD and prescribed
legal speed. He has found a job and his house has never been cleaner.
To-do-list complete and a day early, thank you, he invites friends over for bbq
- dudes cluster around Weber.
It is a little chimney thing
that has gone fwoosh. It sits on Weber's grill, sitting over fire-starters like
chicken over eggs. Mid chimney, a grate carries Heat Beads Easy-Lite BBQ
Briquettes. There is some debate as to what it is called.
'A chimney.'
'A flue.'
'A slömn.'
The fire goes out.
'Not a slömn.'
The fire resumes.
'Ok,
the damned thing is sentient.'
Technically the Not a Slömn is
no more sentient than any publicly available artificial intelligence. The Not Slömn cannot answer questions or compose music which only machine, not artist, could perform
and not be cringe. The Thing That is Not A Slömn is, however, always listening
and chimes in with uptick or downturn of flames. Its opinion, regarding whether
idea is genuine innovation or dumbfuckery tinted by THC, is perfect.
That market is Frankie.
Frankie did one too
many push-ups and so caught a cold. It was not bad enough to call-in sick but
her body slowed and her focus slurred. She popped a two-month expired Panadol.
She jotted her mind's meanderings over the day, some of which proved useful.
Water flows and so does time.
The Time Wheel is like a hydroelectric power-plant, a turbine hooked up to
wheel(s) spun by flow of time instead of water. Dammed time flows slower in its
vicinity until it flows faster, which takes some time (ha!) getting used to.
Frankie did not get government approval for any of this.
Black Market Electricity is
cheaper than that offered through public infrastructure and less damaging for
the environment. Because there is no technology used beyond extent of law that consumes
significant energy, consumers must
individually launder their electricity. This is done by jail-breaking some
kinds of solar panel. The consumer will also need their own extension cords.
That market is Cheese.
Cheese decided to
try something different so they bought a gallon drum of dry ice. The idea was
to put the C4 inside the drum and slow any chemical reactions. When Cheese
lifted the bomb by its wires, the wires came out. The Bomb Begone
spit out a box of eight Condom Make Penis Bigger.
Condom Make Penis Bigger
(CMPB) are condoms which, when equipped on a penis, increases said penis'
length 12% and girth 18%. The target market for CMPB has a penis and wants said
penis to be momentarily larger. Market data is incomplete but suggests that
this want occurs when penis is already larger. More research is needed, but
preliminary findings suggest that want of larger penis correlates with condom
use. Also water bombs.
Cheese is not that market.
Cheese wondered whether wrapping a bomb in CMPB would contain explosion in
condom's elasticity. Then Cheese considered possibility of CMPB engorging
improvised explosives. Cheese has a day job, so Cheese opts to sell the condoms.
Cheese did not, but should, ask what happens when a Condom Makes Penis Bigger
breaks.
That market is Andrew.
* Fig: On the Price of
Buxus Sempervirens X Cannabis Sativa: It goes up ₵$10 every week but goes down
₵$2 every night where my dessert is fruit – wine counts.
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