A Mr Squiggle Original

 

On the Shelf:	Behind the Counter:
₵$20 Ghost Tobacco (20)	₵$28 Beard Cobwebs
₵$25 Bloody Mary	₵$74 Tofu Which Pairs Perfectly with Your Wine (350g)
₵$50 El Dorado Green (1/4)	₵$22 Cuck Chair
₵$8 Black Meat (g)	₵$50 Self-Cooking Olive Oil (375 ml)
₵$1 Slut Root (kg)	₵$56 Quad-Option Flare Gun
₵$25 Marital Aid Potion	₵$87 Coles Red (10L)
₵$50 Quetzalcoatl Feathers (doz.)	₵$18 Stone 80
₵$5 Blue Roses (doz.)	₵$240 Brick of Cocaine
₵$64 Mythril (oz.)	₵$39 Self Freezing Icecube Tray
₵$4 BZTCN	₵$85 Water Bottle (Name Pending)

 

This Week's Special:

The phone hawked paywalled astrological predictions for 2026 and Luke mused on pending New Years resolution. He had resolutely eaten more cheese in 2025, the year the Louvre was robbed and he rediscovered classical music:

Luke saw himself running, laughing, with stolen goods underarm and resolved, inspired, to side hustle as cat burglar. He may even take up calisthenics (he will not).

Just starting out, Luke targets low-hanging fruit. There is a Mr Squiggle exhibition touring the nation. He replaces an upside-down sketch with his calling card – a QR code leading to website on his to-do-list. (Do not try this at home, because you do not live in a Mr Squiggle exhibition.)

The market for a Mr Squiggle original will be a collector who already has a Banksy and a Sander Cohen. They will be Australian, or Steve Martin. They will take guilty pleasure in nostalgia and be Millennial or older.

That market is Christian.

She dressed like a teenage girl, being one. Her father was not thrilled and neighbourly Christian decided to do him a solid. He said to her:

‘You look nice.’

And he meant it – the girl had very healthy veins. The compliment sent a chill down the girl’s spine – she changed into The Long Dark cosplay. This is known as creepy-as-service.

The Gods of Creepy saw this (from bushes) and, impressed, bestowed Christian a boon. The Mirror of Male Gaze tilts the beholder’s eyes with a generically straight white male bias. ‘Mirror, mirror, on the wall, // who’s the fairest oh titties.’ Christian don’t need this – Christian mechanical vampire and he does not reflect on decision to sell it.

Women may certainly play, insecure or curious, with outfits in front of skewed reflection. The ideal market for The Mirror of Male Gaze, however, is a certain type of straight male. The sort with gal pals who, female, are insecure about their bodies. To highlight their goods would be creepy but a mirror cannot be creepy, not with those curves.

That market is Luke.

 

* If you like a post, please share the post: the most popular product of the last ten is liable to appear Behind the Counter.